Are you a pleaser ? To your own personal sacrifice ?
I believe this is a quality and should be valued as a strength and positive trait —especially in a world saturated with the self centered, what’s-in-it-for-me mentality.
But when does this trait or quality turn negative or into a disservice ? That’s probably the question to be asking…
When you have the means to help or assist another who is perhaps less fortunate or in a difficult time in their lives, it is a gift and blessing that can help lift someone out of a situation and prop them back on their feet.
But just as in any other situation too much of a good thing can become both a disservice and a burden.
If something offered in true sacrifice and in the pure interest of the other person (and not “hey look what I did for this person”) then it is altruistic and a genuine gift for someone else as there is nothing personally to be gained.
But over time if this situation continues the motive becomes less pure and more obligatory —and even expected by the recipient…then the “gift” becomes more of a disservice and can actually hurt the recipient.
How? It keeps the person dependent and it steals their ability to take initiative ..and it weakens their resolve and critical thinking …and perhaps shapes their mentality into more entitlement and greed as opposed to gratitude and humility.
All the while the person offering the “gift” finds themselves secretly seething or resenting the recipient because …well…they are getting used and they don’t understand why this is “ok”.
In the end the blame gets shared by all involved but unfortunately the greatest portion of responsibility lies with the giver. Boundaries were not set for whatever reason (that can be broken down further to understand the source).
But it is never too late to establish an end date to the gift if indeed the intended outcome of that gift has been achieved. Certainly if the identified negatives have crept into the lives of the giver and receiver, it might be time to have tea and honest dialogue about it and establish a new plan together.